It's a dental conspiracy

Since when has "selling things" been in the job definition of a dentist?

Last Thursday I had my regular cleaning and check-up, and everything was going along just fine until the actual dentist came to do his two second evaluation of my oral status. I've only been going to this particular office for about two or three years now, and of the three dentists at this practice, this guy had never seen me before.

After going through each and every tooth and pointing out to the hygienist, in incomprehensible dental speak, what was wrong with it (way to make my oral self-esteem tank there doc), he asked if I'd ever had braces, which I haven't. He asked if I'd be interested in them, since my front teeth are slightly out of alignment. I gave him my best look of incredulity, as if to say, I'm not an awkward middle schooler; why the heck would I voluntarily become a metal mouth? He went on to explain how nowadays they have invialign, and I could have the braces and nobody would know. Well, doc, that certainly changes my perspective.

Thanks, but no dentist raised this back when I actually was in that formative teeth period, and I'm actually quite pleased with my mouth right now, no matter how out of alignment you say it is.

But that wasn't all. He then said something about seeing an ENT because some canal pops when I open and close my mouth. Well doc, I said with a slight smirk on my face, I actually did see and ENT several months ago because of an ear issue, and he didn't find anything. Dentist responded by saying he could have them do some complicated sounding procedureish test thing, and I just didn't reply. He also talked at some length about teeth grinding, which I know I don't do. By this point I was just thinking, unless there's something of actual dental peril going on in my mouth, please stop asking me questions.

And then he told me some useful, albeit crappy news. I have two tiny cavities that need to be filled. Boo. I don't get it. I didn't get my first cavity until I was about 13, but now it seems like every time I go to the dentist, I have to get something filled. I brush, I even floss every night - how does that stupid sugar still remain? Maybe it's a conspiracy at the office and if you reject their braces ploy, they threaten you with a drill and some sealent. Well, buddy, it won't work on me. I may not enjoy being drilled into, but I'm not one of those who cowers in fear at the mention of a dentist. So there, drill all you want doc, but you can't convince me to get unnecessary things done in my mouth.

Why can't all doctor's visits go as smoothly as the one with my eye doctor last Friday, where I went in, read some letters, got my eyes dilated, read some more letters, and then Doc was like, hey everything looks great, see you next year. Quite uneventful and it makes for a very boring story, yes, but it was straightforward and simple, which, when it comes to doctors, is what you always hope for, right?