Never Good Enough

I really don't know why I hold myself to such high expectations. I thought this semester, what with 320 and the newspaper and all this responsibility would humble me, would make me appreciate things. I thought finally, I'll be able to appreciate an A instead of writing it off as just what I was supposed to get.

And I did learn to appreciate them. The first two at least. But now, now I'm back to expecting no less than an A. For the past week or so, I've been nothing but elated at my ability to succeed at 320. Now I've fallen right back into that same old rut of just expecting to be good. And it sucks. For the last 30 hours or so, I've returned to my frustrated, nothing is ever good enough status. Before, I would finish an article and it would be like, oh my god, I did this! Yesterday afternoon, I was over the moon in joy at getting my court story. This morning even my professor was impressed at my success. Now, I'm critiquing every little thing I do, back to freaking out about how I'm going to get everything done, how I'm going to write the five articles I have due in the next week (not including class assignments) and help put an entire newspaper through production, something I've never done before.

Amazing how quickly your mood changes from day to day.