Trips on the metro

I had a couple errands to run over at school today and on the way back, there was this family, presumably from out of town. The father was staring at the metro map trying to figure out at what stop their hotel was at - not an unusual sight for this time of year in my neck of the woods. The mother was sitting, staring off blankly, and the two young girls were twirling around the poles enjoying themselves. I was trying to imagine what the mom was thinking. Whenever I'm in another city, I always find myself looking at the people around me and wondering where they're going, what their lives are like in this place that is so new and different to me.

Some people I see are obviously going home. Their droopy eyes and weary faces make them appear as if in some sort of exhausted trance, all their energy spent at work, with barely enough fuel to get them home and into their beds, only to face the same drudgery the next day. It's so weird to me that this is something these people do daily, ride this bus or train around this strange city every day, so often it has become their second nature, while to me, everything around is so new and exciting and different.

But it's the people I see in the evening who I'm jealous of. Those are the ones heading out for a night on the town. You can tell they've gotten all dressed up, brought out the nice perfume and metallic eyeshadow. Some are with a group of their friends, and they're all telling stories and laughing like they haven't a care in the world. Sometimes they're with a date, doing nothing but whisper and hold hands. And sometimes, like the woman sitting next to me today, they are alone, off to meet up with everyone or that special someone.

There's something enchanting about being young and living in the city, something I've never experienced, but dearly wish to. I'm not even sure if I'm that type of person anymore, the type I thought I was. I thought I could be that urban chic, cosmopolitan woman, confidently striding about the city, knowing all the hotspots and always meeting up for lunch dates, bar nights and dance parties. I still have that romantic vision of what my life will be like in the next two or three years, but slowly its starting to hit me that things just may not work out that way. I've got a sinking feeling I'm going to reach the city, get ready to embark on my dream life, and realize that's not actually what I want. Cities are tough. Surrounded by 8 million people, you can feel like the loneliest soul on the planet.

But sitting on the metro this afternoon, I realized (yet again) that it's all really about image. That mom could have looked at me and thought the same thing, that I was on my way out to meet friends or I was just coming from some excursion through the city. But no, I was going back home after spending a day in meetings and interviews at school.

It's a sad feeling, realizing that so much of life is image and not substance. As long as I look like I'm living that urban chic lifestyle, strangers on the train or tourists walking the street don't actually have to know the truth - that I"m just simple old me.